🚨💀🔥 THE CHILDREN HAVE UNIONIZED. THE CRAYONS ARE HOSTAGES. WE NEED BTs & PARAS IMMEDIATELY!!! 🖍️😭💰

🚨📢 HELP WANTED: EXPERIENCED NEGOTIATOR PREFERRED 📢🚨 🎯 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN (BT/RBT) 📍 East Meadow, NY 11554 💰 Excellent Pay (the kind that makes you reply to the recruiter immediately) ⏰ Monday-Thursday | 4 PM-7 PM 🏠 1:1 In-Home ABA Case ⚠️ THE SITUATION A highly intelligent, highly verbal 9-year-old boy is looking for his next Behavior Technician. Before applying, you should know: This child has never paid taxes. Has never had a mortgage. Has never worked a full-time job. Yet somehow possesses the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO. 😂 📝 DAILY RESPONSIBILITIES ✅ Explain a rule ✅ Explain the same rule differently ✅ Explain why the rule still exists ✅ Listen to a detailed counterargument ✅ Wonder if he might actually have a point ✅ Remember you're the adult 😅 THINGS YOU MAY HEAR ON THE JOB "That's not what happened." "Technically..." "Can you prove it?" "Where does it say that?" "That's your opinion." "And another thing..." 😂😂😂 🧠 IDEAL CANDIDATE We're looking for someone with: ✅ The patience of a kindergarten teacher on the day before summer vacation ✅ The energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word "park" ✅ The emotional stability to be fact-checked by a fourth-grader ✅ The ability to keep a straight face while losing a debate to someone who still needs help opening a ketchup packet 💰 WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? 💸 Great pay 🕒 Consistent hours 🎉 Fridays off 🏖️ Weekends off 💙 Meaningful work that actually makes a difference And let's be honest... A lifetime of stories nobody will believe happened. 🚨 WARNING 🚨 Side effects of this position may include: ⚠️ Becoming unusually good at negotiations ⚠️ Accidentally using ABA terminology in real life ⚠️ Catching yourself saying "Nice job making a good choice!" to grown adults ⚠️ Being humbled by someone whose age is still a single digit 📲 Send your resume, availability, and hourly rate expectations today! 💙 One child. One case. Infinite plot twists. 😂 Apply now before somebody else gets paid to argue with a tiny lawyer for 3 hours a day.